MEMOIRS OF A SON OF A POSTMAN

1. Today ada session photography dengan robe convo so cam smart le sket gi kelas berbanding keselekehan seperti biasa dengan selipar lusuh nak putus tuh. actually robe aku dah hantar ke rumah, so thanks to Marina sebab bawakkan jubah Hajar, patutnya aku thanks Hajar dulu sebab virginity of her robe telah dihilangkan oleh aku hehe.. thank hajar… speaking of robe, batch aku akan merasmikan jubah baru yang menggantikan jubah lama yang telah digunakan selama 23 tahun. Ada yang kata cantik, ada yang kata buruk. Bagi aku, takde lah cantik gila, tapi takde la buruk sangat sampai takmo pakai. Pape pun, kte tetap kena pakai gak masa convo tu. While some others may concern more on the look of the robe, apa yang bermain kat benak aku lately ialah nasib aku ketika convo… tetiba cam tangkap sayu plak tgk jubah tu. Tu yang aku hantar jubah tu balik Shah Alam sebab tak mo tengok kat bilik. Jubah tu remind aku to my late father yang tak sempat nak witness aku amek scroll. Few nites ni I am reminded of his face, the way he always asked me "Bila ko nak abes", and keluhan besar yang dilepaskan oleh nya, cara dia menggelengkan kepala… barulah aku sedar itu semua are his indications that he was of no confidence that he would make it to the day. It’s true… He won’t be around on the day I wear my robe. Unlike orang lain, aku takkan dapat cium tangan dia pun or even saying thank you for all his efforts nak besarkan aku sampai berjaya… Two years ago, at this dates, dia dah tak dapat buka mata, and dah tak dapat bercakap seperti biasa pun… it has been two years… I kept telling myself, even he won’t be around, aku tau dia bangga dan bersyukur dengan kejayaan aku ni, walaupun tak hebat mana…al fatihah..

2. I brought back the robe, hand it to my mother. She took it and she cried. Becoz my father could not make it to the day. Aku sangat tersentuh time tu tapi aku mengumpulkan segala kekuatan untuk remain compose. aku kena strong, terharu juga dengan effort mak aku siapkan itu dan ini untuk hari convo aku so that everything would be perfect. Dia kata dia tak sabar nak hang gambar aku amek scroll kat dinding rumah untuk completekan semua gambar anak-anak. Berkat usaha penat peluh mak bapak aku, kami empat beradik kesemuanya merasa dewan konvokesyen. To some other people, takde benda extraordinary pun, la… konvo je. But to us, it means a lot, raised by a typical postman and a full time housewife, it was not as easy as yours. thanks, mom..

3. fikiran and emotion aku tambah terganggu bila aku discover mak aku ada infection dalam rahim dia. she didn’t tell me personally maybe sebab malu. akak aku yang beritahu. Aku bgtau Amal, mak dia pernah sakit yang sama dan rahim mak dia was removed the moment it was discovered. But my mom, dia dah sakit mende tu even since my father was with us. Selama ni doktor dok ingat sakit gastrik… rupanya rahim dia… aku sangat sedih dan sangat bimbang… aku serabut… hoping for nothing serious… ntah! malas nak pikir! korang doakan la everything would be okay…

4. I can laugh I can smile… tau nape? sebab member2 aku ada untuk back up and diverge the atmosphere kepada sth yang lively, lawak, happy, fun, sibuk… ada je mende yang wat aku terlupa seketika, even aku tau aku akan terganggu semual b4 tdo… almost every nite kteorang akan menang meja terbaik kat NZ tu, siap cantum 3 4 meja n gelak besar sampai orang lain seme usha… ala… orang lain seme dah kenal kteorang pelanggan setia NZ… aku sangat appreciate these people yang sentiasa buat aku happy and appreciated. Aku sangat bersyukur pada Allah that I am blessed with these people. they care for me and they love me ever since. Kalau takde diorang time camni aku rasa mesti aku weak gila… aku doakan Allah pelihara lah mereka semua macam mana mereka jaga aku time2 macam ni…

5. Aku rasa cam aku dah move forward… tapi lately ramai plak people from my past emerge semula. Contoh Kak Dayang, she reminds me of that good old days yang tidak akan ada galang gantinya. She wished for the days to return even for a moment. Aku pun tak tahu possible ke tak. Masing-masing dah successfully bawa haluan sendiri. Memang aku tak nafikan what we had before was among the best I had in my life. But I believe me n Kak Dayang can create sth new and more cherishable since to bring back history pun cam tak possible. I dunno… Kalau ada rezeki, boleh la kami semua duduk semeja, even our laughter was not as loud and was not as sincere as before, just to honour the sincerest moments we had before…

for the good things, ameen..

I haven’t been writing for quite a long time, so many things had happened to me, as it had happened to all of us everyday. Those things forced us to grow up, if we are to learn. Of all the pain and sorrow we’ve dealt with, believe that God has bigger plan ahead of us
I went to Mentari Project Tuition last Saturday with Keeya. Actually I’ve registered as a volunteer at the beginning of this year but never had the chance to actually go there and spill my love. Okay, basically Mentari Tuition is a tuition for kids who came from families who are unable to afford normal rate tuition fees. In Mentari Project, all they need to do is to pay RM10 for materials for each kids that they send. If they send 2 kids or more, they are only required to pay RM20.

Other familiar faces to me are Munie, Kak Fadh, Kak Farhana, Abang Tam. They had been asking me to drop by every weekend but I never had the chance. When Keeya came to me one day in AIKOL and told me that she had also registered as a volunteer and had never been there, we’ve decided to go last weekend. With her ‘kereta kecil warna merah’, we drove all over from Gombak to Desa Mentari and met all 30 young hopeful faces. We had fun teaching those kids… walaupun kadang-kadang aku cam naik darah gak bila aku ajar diorang memain.. ye la, budak budak kecik sekolah rendah…

Benda yang aku nak share dengan korang ialah… aku realize satu benda. aku ni dah study duk kat uia ni dah nak masuk lima tahun. Apa achievement aku? Teater, debate, counseling, mooting, advertising, modelling.. tu je? Itu pun aku rasa tak puas and nak lagi itu dan ini. And paling hina sekali ialah bila aku rasa diri aku macam loser dan tak berguna sebab tak successful macam kawan-kawan aku yang lain. Bila ada time terluang, aku dok meronggeng lepak sana sini, tgk wayang, karaoke, bowling, makan2 ntah banyak lagi ah. Kalau ikut time macam sekarang ni, aku tgh dok shopping sakan kat OU, Midvelly, KLCC, Sg Wang sebab tengah sale mencanak-canak (btw, Esprit tengah sale up to 80%). In the end, aku tanya diri aku, apa contribution aku pada soceity? agama? bangsa?

okay, dengan hanya masuk debate, teater, counseling, manage to get awards jadi champ, I do inspire kids to be a good debater. cukupkah? or sebenarnya motif aku masuk bukan really to inspire kids, tapi tekejar-kejar nak kumpul title champ? and for the record aku tak penah champ pape pun.

dengan join Celcom Metro Modelling, ada la charity project here and there. Again, cukup ke? Besides, aku tak buat mende pun, duit seme celcom yang provide, aku just datang duduk dengan anak-anak yatim and makan sama-sama… contribution dari aku? less than 2%! aku tak puas.

all I can say, aku dah jadi selfish selama aku blaja kat U ni. all I can think of is how to be great. How to be the best. Bila tidak menjadi begitu berjaya seperti yang aku mahukan, aku down. Tolonglah… ramai lagi orang kat luar tu yang bukan sahaja tak fikir how to be the best, malah tengah struggle nak menempatkan diri dalam masyarakat agar tak tertinggal kerana kesempitan hidup.

Seeing those hopeful faces, Mentari Tuition proiject really had touched me. Kalau korang ada kelapangan, come and help them . They need us.