Some thoughts - life for rent
- Stage Band Competition dah in the middle, and aku pun tak sempat nak jenguk. I am so close to joining the competition but I decided not this time. It would be sangat meaningful kalo dapat join dengan my band (Wan Bass, Adam Drummer, Amal Rhythm) tapi there’s some problems. First, no vocalist. Selalunya kalo jamming it’s either Wan or aku or even Amal yang nyanyi and aku plak jenis kalo nyanyi sambil main gitar nanti beat and rhythm lari, so aku prefer focus main. Second, kitaorang seme memang amatur gila, except Amal kot yang dah penah join band competition before this. Jamming pun baru few times jek. Third is ultimate problem kot, commitment. Adam keje dia kejap kat Perlis, kejap kat Rawang, Wan pun keje malam, aku pun bz dengan final year study aku and family commitment. So, bila once dapat jamming sama-sama tu memang aku value sangat2, sebab bukan selalu dapat. Aku pun lupakan je hasrat nak join band competition, even aku memang berharap sangat before aku grad, aku nak try something new, to join a band competition, I know I won’t win but at least aku dah penah buat. In the middle, Band Rashid offer jadi backup aku. I choose the band name, I choose the song tapi aku nyanyi. Rashid offer Bass, Keyboard and Vox untuk aku. Offer ni memang totally awesome! Yeah, Huda, Munie, I agree I should take it. Tapi aku consider banyak benda. Purpose aku nak join band competition is not becoz the money (macam la bley menang pun), and aku nak join sebab aku nak main! Kalo aku masuk sebagai vocalist, then I didn’t really achieve my dream. I wanna play. And aku tak penah ada confidence the fact that my voice carries any weight or value pun. Again, aku terpaksa lupakan je hasrat aku itu. Maybe belum ada rezeki lagi. Or maybe aku memang takkan dapat achieve this little dream. Apa yang aku boleh buat pun, ambil jelah gitar tua warna hitam, petiklah sampai aku penat dan mengantuk dan tertidur, if I’m lucky, dapatlah dalam mimpi aku join. I am pathetic duh.
- New semester is coming this July, only this time I anticipate it as something different – this is going to be my final semester because after that I had no options but to grow up to be a man. For what I am right now, is very much shaped and curved by those people that I’ve met. Maybe aku achieve nothing much during these five years of studying, tapi itu je yang aku mampu buat. Somehow rasa cam wasted and cam loser, kalo iye pun, then apa lagi yang aku boleh buat pun? As I look back, being nostalgic as I am, I could not help comforting myself of all the mistakes I’ve committed, the wrong turns I’ve taken, the opportunities I’ve missed or the people I’ve hurt. The unforgiven errors neither by myself or others sometimes just killing me inside, but again, what else can I do? What I did or what I said hurt many people. People, I apologize.
- Just another semester, then I need to grow up. Aku tak nampak la future aku camne. Aku tak rasa aku suit keje dengan bank negara. What? Doing Islamic Banking which is my least favorite? Memang lah pulangan gaji Wow, tapi aku tak bley imagine tiap2 hari menghadap benda yang aku tak minat. Some people bertuah sebab diorang melakukan apa yang diorang minat untuk menyara hidup. Some people bertuah sebab diorang not exactly doing what they like as career but at least they can do what they like once in a while. Some people are just being unlucky to have to do what they didn’t like to earn a living. Aku pun tak tau aku merapu apa ni… Ting tong kejap.
- Sometimes we thought we could be in a place with a person, but the truth is sometimes we weren’t allowed. But God had been so kind, we were allowed to witness from far and smile to see the glory. At least we contribute something. I smiled before I walked away.
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